I have extensively contemplated this and might have been a little too aware of the importance of setting the pace of a brand new blog with a great first post. Ironically enough, my struggle has helped me decide on my topic. Writing has been a hidden and forgotten passion of mine. Even before I learned to read and write my mother would type out stories that I would make up and turned them into books. I would consistently journal, composed poetry, short stories, and even wrote a song or two.
But these were all mostly private and never meant for the outside world. Writing for an audience is a different story. Criticism is terrifying. I want to be good enough but I know that, deep down, I will never feel that I am. So, blogging … not very appealing to me. Creating an opportunity for me to be vulnerable and open to the criticism and judgment of strangers almost sounds like torture.
Friends have been encouraging in the past. Good friends always remind you that you are good enough; that you can do anything you set your mind to. But, somehow, (and again, ironically) their affirmation of my adequacy was and will always be inadequate. I am still not good enough.
At my core being, I understand that this is an inescapable truth. I am not good enough. We are fooled into thinking that we are doing ourselves and everyone around us a favor by constantly denying this truth. No amount of words or willing can change it.
In Romans 3:10-12, Paul says:
“As it is written: ‘There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.”
No one is or ever can be good enough … on their own.
Ever since I can remember I have struggled with self-confidence and it has continued to be an ongoing battle since I became a Christian. The root of that struggle is the realization or lack thereof of my inability to be good. I am not good enough, no one is.
The beauty of the gospel is that it reveals our wickedness, our inability for good and does not stop there. The sinless Jesus takes our place and defeats sin and death so that in Him we may be righteous.
2 Corinthians 5:21
“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”
When I do not feel that I am “good enough” I must contend that it is the truth.
… in Christ, I find my righteousness because He alone is righteous and good. When I am not confident in myself for whatever task is at hand I am confident in my God. In my weakness, insecurity, and inadequacy His power is made perfect for His glory.